WHAT DOES YOUR SPOUSE THINK ABOUT RETIREMENT?
Many professional and business people are so used to making decisions on their own that they approach retirement in much the same way. You need to remember that it’s not JUST about you. Your spouse’s life is going to dramatically changed with your retirement, so he (or she) must have equal say in the decisions.
I have known men who were having a wonderful time in their new retirement life but the wife was miserable because she had been uprooted from the long time friends she had made before retirement dictated a move to another city.
It’s important to keep in mind also that the spouse has a life, too – before retirement – and the retiree’s new schedule and interests might well interfere with her comfortable life style.
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- greenhand
- David P. Green, MD has been practicing and teaching orthopaedic and hand surgeon for more than 40 years. He is best known as the editor of two widely used orthopaedic and hand surgery textbooks: 1) Rockwood and Green’s Fractures (now in its 6th edition, recently translated into Chinese), and 2) Green’s Operative Hand Surgery (now in its 5th edition, translated into Japanese and Spanish editions.). Born in El Paso, Texas in 1936, he is a graduate of Pomona College, Baylor Medical School, and the New York Orthopaedic Hospital (NYOH) residency program. In 1997 he was named Outstanding Alumnus of the NYOH. He is a past President of the American Society for Surgery of the Hand. He also has a keen interest in history, and has published a book entitled Place Names of San Antonio, a compilation of some 600 mini-biographies of people for whom streets, schools, parks, libraries, businesses, and other places are named in his hometown.
I am married to a woman that keeps me busy (this year we will celebrate our 50th anniversary) and I have enjoyed an expanding group of friends. We belong to several bridge groups, and I play once or twice a week. There is not a day without an outing, a project, a gathering. We travel more and spend more time with grandchildren. We attend concerts and have season tickets for the symphony.
ReplyDeleteAside from having a plan for what you want to do, the most important thing about retirement is to have a great partner. If you don’t get along now, you’re not going to make it better by spending more time with him or her.
ReplyDeleteMy wife had a couple of surgeries and a lot of illness in the past year so I was cook, houseman, nurse, and protector (from medical errors). She’s OK now, luckily.
ReplyDeleteA few thoughts from the spouse’s point of view. When Bob first retired the phone was a big problem, at least to me. I was accustomed to being able to talk as long as I chose, particularly with our daughter. At that time cell phones were not in use and their time was limited also. Since then the only problem is who answers the phone FIRST. Bob makes business calls and wants the line free for people to be able to return his calls. I love having Bob retired because he is so helpful in running errands, grocery shopping, etc. I think we have both made a good adjustment.
ReplyDeleteSometimes this really is an offshoot of the July 30 entry. The spouse has lost their "position." An important factor to counter this problem, if you can afford it, is to have a second residence. The key is to downsize and simplify (both places) so having two places isn't a burden. Then you truly have the best of both worlds that ARE keys to happiness:
ReplyDeleteYou have two sets of friends (assuming you both are outgoing and meet people at place #2) that you are always looking forward to seeing when you traverse between residences. It forces you to expand your circle of friends. One problem with aging is that your friends move away, become infirm, or die. Without building new relationships your world shrinks through attrition. Having a second residence doubles your relationships and, at the outset, forces you to re-learn the skill of building a new life. You may not have used that skill in 40 years and then you had young children (especially wives did) that helped you meet and build new friendships.
Having two residences doubles your new life experiences. As we age, especially in retirement, we have to have new life experiences. Otherwise, the only things we talk about are old life experiences. Eventually our children, friends and acquaintances tire of hearing the same tales from 5 (someday 15), 10 (someday 20) and 20 (someday 30) years ago. We start living in the past. As we live in the past we reminisce about our working career and the vicious circle (see July 30 entry) strengthens